This is a very insightful article written by my brother. It really helps to explain the reasoning behind those who disapprove of gay marriage. The original article can be found at http://www.new.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=30628998779&id=1471600348&index=0
Love is the most powerful attracting force in the universe. It draws us together to be in each other’s presence. It compels us to share our time, our thoughts, our concerns, even our possessions. Love fills us with a desire to bring each other happiness, peace, and joy. Sometimes love compels us to create together, to create relationships, homes, even life. Love is universally honored and appreciated as a force for good, and the purest of motives. It is acknowledged as the only force more powerful than our instinctive will to survive, a force so great that we would sacrifice our own lives to preserve the happiness and security of those we love. So why would anyone want to stop two people who love each other from being married?
In order to understand the answer to that question, we must first understand what marriage is and what marriage is not. We must also understand why society embraces marriage, and why two people would want to be married.
For as long as humankind has kept written records, humans have acknowledged marriage as a multiparty agreement between a man, a woman, society, government, and even God. While many variations of this agreement exist, the general terms are often similar and fairly simple. American society generally accepts the following terms as part of the marital agreement:
1. The man and the woman agree to share property, privacy, and privilege.
2. Government agrees to treat these two individuals as if they were one with respect to their property, privacy, and privilege.
3. The man and the woman agree to mate with each other.
4. Society agrees to condone the mating of the man and the woman.
5. Society also agrees to disqualify the man and woman as prospective mates for others.
6. In the religious tradition, deity sanctions the mating of this couple as an appropriate use of creative power.
Thus, the marriage agreement generally involves two aspects: sharing and approval. When we look a little deeper, however, we can see that the approval aspect of marriage is not related to friendship or love. While marriage is an agreement that provides approval of sexual behavior, it is not an agreement that provides an approval of love. Such an approval is unnecessary because love is universally approved, as is friendship. Sexual behavior, on the other hand, is scrutinized and evaluated for its impact on society. The approval of society accompanies marriage because marriage is viewed as an agreement designed to maximize the positive impact of sexual reproduction while minimizing the negative impacts on society. Specifically, marriage is embraced and used by society to protect the family.
There are many organizational units in society, which produce or provide components of a healthy civilization. Some produce goods and services, and we call these companies. Others produce ideas and philosophies. We call these political parties and churches. Some provide safety and security. We call these armies. Ultimately, however, all of these units and the many others that exist in civilizations are composed of people.
People are the building blocks of society, and only one unit in society produces those building blocks. We call it the family. The family is considered the fundamental unit of society because no other unit can be built without the building blocks produced by families.
Societies have always given special attention to the formation of families because families play such a central role in the development, growth, sustained existence, and prosperity of civilizations. Many dangerous structural weaknesses can threaten family stability. If a family is not formed properly, it may easily break down and cease to produce good members of society. Without good members of society from which to build companies, political parties, churches, and armies, society itself loses stability. When families fail, society fails; therefore, societies have used marriage as a means to ensure the integrity of the family unit.
The general terms of the marriage agreement are designed to ensure that the building blocks of society produced by families are properly nourished, protected, educated, and prepared to become productive members of society. Scientists and researchers agree that children raised by both a father and a mother are more likely to be properly nourished, protected, educated, and prepared to become productive members of society. Accordingly, societies have historically disapproved of fornication, adultery, and divorce, as these practices often result in teen pregnancies, single mothers, deadbeat dads, and confused, neglected, and insecure children. While some do succeed in raising healthy children under these circumstances, statistically, those cases are the fortunate few.
Because people have a tendency to seek approval and acceptance from others, social disapproval has proven to be an effective deterrent to the unstable formation of families. Since marriage provides the approval of society, government, and religion; most devoted couples will seek to be married before they begin to create a family, and they will commit to fidelity and mutual support in order to enter the marital agreement. Both fidelity and mutual support facilitate the creation of a stable environment in which to raise productive members of society.
So, we have outlined what marriage is and what it is not. We have examined why society embraces marriage, and why a couple would want to be married. With these ideas in mind, we can now address the original question. Why would anyone want to stop two people who love each other from being married?
First we must reemphasize that love is not under consideration in marriage because love is universally approved. Sexual behavior is scrutinized and evaluated for its impact on society. Society does not disapprove of love between a man and a woman, nor does society disapprove of one man loving another man or of one woman loving another woman. This is called having a best friend. Many of us have our guy friends and our girlfriends of the same gender. We love and care for these people very much. We want to be with them. We want to share with them. We want to make them happy. Usually we do this by showing our concern, by listening to their problems, and by providing advice or encouragement. Often we assist them with their labors or provide other temporal support. We loan them our resources; we give them gifts; we open our homes and our families to them. Sometimes we love our friends so much that we would even give our lives for them.
Regardless of the gender of our friends, none of these acts are considered homosexual. The soldier who loves his friends so much that he throws himself on a grenade to save them is not homosexual because of his love. The definition of homosexuality is not to love someone of the same gender, no matter how strong that love is. Friendship does not become homosexuality until two people of the same gender engage in sexual acts with each other.
With marriage, love is not being submitted for approval; sexual behavior is being submitted for approval. For heterosexual couples, this approval is easily granted because their sexual activity may produce children, and they are promising to also create a stable environment for those children, so the children may someday become good members of society.
With homosexual couples, this approval is not easily granted for several reasons; primarily, their sexual activity can never create children. The couple cannot produce the building blocks of society; therefore, they are not the fundamental unit of society, and their sexual behavior is not approved.
We must note here that sexual activity of any kind is rarely used exclusively for reproductive purposes; however, social approval is not so much based on the intent of sexual partners as it is based on an evaluation of the possible impact on society. Society considers many impacts in addition to the production and development of people, including changes to the pool of potential mates, reproductive health and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned parenthood, abortion, broken families, children in foster care, and many others.
This evaluation of social impact (not sexual intent) is reflected in society’s historical disapproval of unmarried heterosexual partners and in the general acceptance of sexual activity within the bonds of marriage. Married couples may not intend to have children or may not be able to have children; nevertheless, if they do have children, those children are statistically more likely to be raised in a stable environment and prepared to become good members of society. Production of children is not mandatory for approval; rather, the potential for that production within a stable environment is the perceived benefit that leads society to accept marital sex.
The evaluation of social impact is perhaps the most rational reason for the disapproval of homosexual behavior; however, an honest investigation into people’s opinions and feelings about homosexuality will produce a variety of less rational, yet no less real, emotional and mental barriers to approving such behavior. While many of these sentiments are openly discussed, others are quite taboo. Still, we must eventually address all of them if we are to come to a mutual understanding and find an answer to our original question. Those sentiments that are more sensitive must especially be discussed because they are the feelings that frequently lead to heinous hate crimes, prejudice, and discrimination. For the sake of clarity, they are presented here in a scientific and straightforward manner.
First, homosexuality is commonly seen as a perversion and an abuse of the power to create life. Many view this power as a sacred gift granted by God. Even those who do not believe in God typically feel a profound respect for the intimate and marvelous ability to create life. Misuse of this power for any purpose, whether for masturbation, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, or bestiality, is often considered perversion. To pervert is to change, alter, or distort something. In that sense, all of these acts are indeed perversions – changes, alterations, and distortions of human reproduction. Thus, the sexual behavior is not approved.
Second, many of the sexual acts listed above are considered sinful, which means contrary to the will of God. Many believe that God gave mankind the power of procreation and gave guidelines for the appropriate use of that power. They also believe that God created the institution of marriage. Naturally, their belief system would not allow the possibility of changing that institution to incorporate those who cannot procreate together and who are practicing sexuality in a way that has been forbidden by many religions. Thus, the sexual behavior is not approved.
Third, many sexual acts considered sinful, such as masturbation, homosexuality, and bestiality, cannot create life; rather, they are used to self gratify. They have no useful or meaningful purpose other than to release dopamine and cause physical pleasure. Many do not consider the case in which two homosexual partners seek only to bring happiness to each other; instead, they see homosexuality as a willingness to do anything for self gratification. Self gratification, or selfishness, runs contrary to friendship and love. Usually selfishness is the cause of divorce or broken friendships, and selfish people are rarely accepted by others. Thus, the sexual behavior is not approved.
Fourth, homosexuality fails many ethical tests. For example, Kant’s Universality Test of the Moral Imperative requires that we imagine a universe in which everyone was required to follow the maxim or perform the action in question. We assume that what is truly good for one must also be good for all. If homosexuality were to replace heterosexuality, all human life would cease within a generation. Only the practice of artificial insemination could prevent the extinction of humankind.
Because of these ethical tests, many non-religious people are opposed to homosexuality. They find that even outside of the constraints of religion – entirely within the boundaries of metaphysics and ethics – homosexuality is still viewed as a vice rather than a virtue. Thus, the sexual behavior is not approved.
Fifth, many are appalled by the thought of homosexual intercourse. They view the specific techniques of homosexual intercourse as unsanitary, particularly in the case of male homosexuality involving anal intercourse. While this is not the only method of homosexual intercourse, it has become the most salient, and it continues to shape perceptions about homosexuals.
Anal intercourse, whether it is practiced by homosexual or heterosexual couples, is revolting to many. The human rectum is an orifice of the digestive system, not the reproductive system. It is the passageway of human waste and excrement. This excrement is considered to be the filthiest of all materials. It is foul smelling and naturally repugnant. Furthermore, anal intercourse is damaging to the tissues of the colon and rectum and often causes bleeding, which brings infection from excrement and facilitates the introduction of sexually transmitted diseases. Accordingly, the thought of homosexuality is naturally appalling to many people. Thus, the sexual behavior is not approved.
Because of these reasons and perhaps others, many in society will never accept or condone homosexuality. Unlike the primary reason for disapproval, these last five are fraught with logical fallacies. However, regardless of whether or not any of these reasons are logical or justified, they are certainly real; they are extremely significant, and they must be considered because they continue to hinder the social approval of homosexual behavior.
Remember that the marriage agreement involves two aspects: sharing and approval. While many do not approve of the sexual behavior of homosexuals, they are willing to participate in a multiparty agreement involving only the sharing aspect. This means that the couple will share property, privacy, and privilege, and the government will recognize their right to do so and treat them as one person with regard to those things. We call this a civil union.
Still, civil unions are not good enough for some homosexual couples because they want the one thing that only the word “marriage” provides, and that is social acceptance and approval of their choice to engage in sexual acts with a partner of the same gender.
Why do you need to “marry” the person you love? If your answer is that you want the legal rights and legal privileges of marriage, then a civil union will provide all of those. If you simply want society to honor and accept your love, then friendship will suffice. If, however, you also want social acceptance and approval of your sexual relationship, then you must be married.
Unfortunately, that is the great illusion that has led so many homosexuals to seek government sanction of same-sex marriage. They are under the false impression that receiving a title of marriage will provide acceptance for them as it has for so many heterosexual couples. This sad misunderstanding demonstrates their failure to see the mechanisms of civilization that have embraced marriage and made it a central institution in society.
Remember, marriage is a multiparty agreement:
1. From an individual standpoint, marriage represents an agreement to share property, privacy, and privilege. It also represents a commitment of fidelity.
2. From a government standpoint, marriage represents recognition of the right to share property, privacy, and privilege.
3. From a social standpoint, marriage represents a sanction of the proper formation of a family, a fundamental unit with potential to create good members of society.
4. From a religious standpoint, marriage represents an approval of the proper use of creative power.
If these are the parties of the multiparty agreement, only two can be satisfied with same-sex marriage. The civil union agreement only requires the participation of these two satisfied parties, but the marriage agreement requires the participation of all four.
Too many in society are not willing to sanction same-sex marriage as the proper formation of a family, a fundamental unit that will produce good members of society. Too many in the various churches throughout this nation are not willing to use their religious authority to approve homosexuality as a proper use of creative power. Should we force these two parties into the contract? Or, should we allow them to make their best judgment in this issue and let the other two parties create their own contract?
In the end, “married” is just a word. It is a word that indicates the formation of a specific unit in society, the family – producer of people. Still, it is just a word. There are many words that represent the formation of societal units, words like incorporation. Incorporation is also just a word, and articles of incorporation are just paper; however, they represent a multiparty agreement that has actually taken place. You can call a company incorporated, but if the relevant parties have not actually agreed to the contract, what does it mean?
The word “married” is like a stamp of approval. A stamp of approval is created to express a sentiment that already exists. The stamp itself is just an image, but it represents a careful process of evaluation and judgment. You can create and apply a similar stamp without completing that process, but what does it mean?
Just calling yourself incorporated does not make you a legitimate business, a legal producer of goods and services. Calling yourself married does not make you a family, a producer of human life. Stamping yourself with “approved” does not force the evaluation board to approve you, and calling yourself married does not force society and religion to approve of your sexual behavior.
Again, if homosexuals want marriage because they want legal rights, then a civil union will do. If they want marriage because they want approval, they are gravely misguided. Those that will approve of their sexual behavior because they are married, likely already approved of it before. Those in society that do not approve will not be swayed by what they view as a counterfeit stamp of approval – false articles of incorporation. A homosexual couple will still be viewed as a mislabeled organization, an under-the-table business, a false fundamental unit that cannot perform the fundamental function of a family.
It is important that we distinguish between the different units in our society and understand the role that they each play. If we do not, we will struggle to allocate the proper resources to the development, utilization, and preservation of each unit. It is even more important that we continue to recognize the family as the fundamental unit of society, so that we can continue to place it first on our list of priorities. No other unit should be allowed to share that position because no other unit is so crucial to society.
This is why so many feel that we must retain the specific stamp of approval which has been created for the designation of a fundamental unit. Certainly, we must at least understand the consequences of throwing that stamp on anything that merely approximates a family.
The title, type, function, and description of organizations are all connected for the sake of order and clarity. A company is created by incorporation. A family is created by marriage. An army is commissioned. A labor union is unionized. Words have meaning. You cannot incorporate an army. Its primary and intended function is not to produce goods and services. True, an army can buy goods and services. It purchases weapons and supplies from many corporations, but it is not a corporation. It has a different function; it requires different resources; it is governed by different laws, so we commission it and do not incorporate it.
Likewise, same-sex couples can never create human life together. They can buy the seeds of life or buy life itself by adopting, but they can never produce that life alone, not without the participation of a third person of opposite gender. While some heterosexual couples suffer tragically from infertility, most can produce life. The social impact of their heterosexual behavior is viewed as potentially beneficial; therefore, society broadly accepts that behavior and is willing to marry those couples and recognize them as a family.
No homosexual couples can ever produce life… not one. They simply do not have the capability or potential to perform that function. Society does not perceive the same potential benefits when evaluating the social impact of homosexual behavior; instead, society perceives many negative potential impacts. Therefore, many do not consider a homosexual union to be equal to the family, the fundamental unit of society, the producer of people. Society is willing to unionize those same-sex couples, but many are not willing to marry them.
Willing is the key word. Two homosexuals may be willing to love and support each other; that is friendship. No one is stopping them. They may be willing to participate in homosexual acts; that is homosexuality. No one is stopping them. They may be willing to share property, privacy, and privilege; that is a civil union. No one is stopping them.
Ultimately, homosexuals are not really asking to do something. They are asking others to do something. They are not asking for the right to do what they are willing to do. When they ask for marriage, they are asking the rest of us to do something that we may or may not be willing to do. They are asking society to approve of their homosexual activity, and they are asking religious institutions to sanction their homosexual behavior as an appropriate use of creative power.
Are these other parties willing? That is the real question posed by Proposition 8. That is the underlying referendum being presented to us for a vote. By voting “Yes” on Proposition 8, we would do more than define marriage as a union only between one man and one woman. We would answer the underlying question of our willingness to participate in the marital agreement with homosexuals. By voting “Yes”... we would answer, “No… we are not willing. We are not willing to approve the social impact of homosexual activity. We are not willing to sanction homosexuality as a proper use of creative power. We are not willing to enter the multiparty agreement. We are not willing, and we choose to abstain.”
...That is an exercise of our freedom, not a restriction of theirs.
Proposition 8 is not about telling people who they can and cannot love. It is not about telling them who they can and cannot be with. It is not about preventing the legally recognized sharing of property, privacy, and privilege. Proposition 8 is about defining marriage. It is about the right and freedom of society and religion to abstain from a multiparty agreement deemed unacceptable. It is about preserving the coveted title of marriage as a stamp of approval for that fundamental institution which contributes the most to society. It is about protecting the unique status of the family and ensuring its place as the first and ultimate priority of civilization. Only the union of a man and a woman can create the greatest of all resources – human life. For that, we honor them. For that, we approve of them… and for that, we marry them… for only they have the power to create our future and the future of all humanity."
Joshua M. Uda © 2008 - All Rights Reserved
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